As a sexual health and pleasure expert, I am constantly pushing the boundaries on what women talk about when it comes to sex and pleasure. I am a firm believer in creating community, talking and sharing experiences as a way to bring women together, help them to realize they are not alone, and tackle the pleasure pandemic that we as women, across the world, are facing.
When I say “pleasure pandemic”, I am referring to the statistic that as many as 1 in 2 women experience sexual dysfunction at some point in their lives. That is 50% of us that struggle with painful sex, difficulty getting or staying aroused, a lack of desire, difficulty orgasming, and a host of other issues that impact our enjoyment and experience of intimacy and pleasure. It is my goal to reverse this number and make sure that women everywhere know that…
- You deserve pleasure and a fulfilling life.
- There is help. You don’t have to suffer in silence.
I am no stranger to taboo topics and ruffling a few feathers. But, there is one way that is sure to still shock my followers, and that is the taboo topic of sex pleasure during pregnancy.
When I hear from the women in my free community, The Pleasure Mindset Bootcamp, many of them share that getting pregnant was the beginning of the end of intimacy in their relationship. They felt uncomfortable during pregnancy, or their partners were weary and then the baby came, and they just never got back on track. A common experience I hear about is women coming back to themselves after the first few months with a newborn and all of a sudden, they were being faced with the daunting task of repairing intimacy that hadn’t been the same in more than a year.
Of course, it all feels overwhelming. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Getting pregnant does not mean you have to miss out on the connection and closeness (and great orgasms) of being intimate with your partner. Society places women in boxes and getting pregnant can make it difficult to adjust to how the world sees you and how you experience the shift, but it is possible to be both.
Being intimate during pregnancy can be difficult for a number of reasons – from body image and self-esteem, to shame around figuring out how to exist as both a mother and a sexual person, to health changes like nausea and fatigue. Maybe you had a difficult time getting pregnant and sex started to feel like a chore. Hesitation is totally normal, but I am here to tell you that being pregnant does not mean you have to give up on sex and pleasure.
Remember this: unless your gynecologic or health care practitioner has advised against having sex for medical reasons (in which case, always follow their advice) or your water has broken, it is 100% safe and normal to continue having sex during pregnancy.
You cannot hurt the baby.
There is no penis that is going to rupture through your cervix and put the baby in harm’s way. If you and/or your partner is nervous, take things slow, try different positions and communicate when either one of you is feeling the need to stop or slow down. There is no evidence to suggest that sex or orgasm have any effect on the baby or cause any negative outcomes.
Your orgasms might even be better.
Because of hormonal changes, increased blood flow to the uterus and vagina, and increased sensitivity, pregnancy can result in better orgasms! Many women actually report more intense, stronger, and easier orgasms when they’re pregnant. Don’t miss out on this opportunity to do some exploring.
And orgasms won’t hurt the baby either!
Communication is important.
You and your partner may have a lot of hang-ups around sex and intimacy during pregnancy, some that you had never even thought of until you’re in it, which is completely normal and to be expected. Do your research, talk it through, read articles like this one together. Talk about what you’re both interested in trying and what is definitely off the table before you get intimate and get experimenting.
Penetration isn’t the only way to have sex (or an orgasm).
Remember, you can explore sex and intimacy in many ways that have nothing to do with penetration. If that is the part that is holding you back, have a conversation with your partner and try out some deep kissing, massage, or manual stimulation. The options are endless.
You can be a mom AND a sexually confident, connected woman. You can be pregnant AND have great sex. You don’t have to choose one or the other. Learn about it, read about it, talk about it. Let’s disrupt the stigma around mother’s and sex for good so we can all live our most fulfilled life – and enjoy all that extra blood flow and sensitivity.